So the other day someone asked me about my old photos of when i was young and thin. And told me you wouldn't believe that was me. So i began to look at my face in the mirrow to look at what time and age has done to me. First off i notice my face in rounder these days as i tend to eat instead of the 8ball of coke and 6 viles of ketamine a day diet i was on back then. To think i would wake up at noon head off to wild oscars and start my day off at a table alone with my fritatta and then a pitcher of sangria. but by end of day my table would be full with people who loved to party. This is when house music was good and not the electronic sound of today. Which to me sounds like it was made for those who do crystal and can bounce all over the place nonstop!!! My body today which at times i look like im about to give birth goes up and down. I do look back and wonder how the hell im still alive with all that i put my body through and so many of my friends have died. I know where i started to get fat it was after i met guido. The italian and my first true love!!! I rememeber how we met. I was dancing at Fly nightclub one night topless as usual.( play beautiful stranger by madonna here remixed)  When i notice some guy just standing at there staring at me like some perv. And me i was high on xtc and for some reason i tend to be a bitch when high. So i went up to him and said "can i help you?" he replied no and went on his way!!! Later that week i was at my friends J place and we were taking photos of me showing my tits holding a dildo between my legs.Apparently later that week the guido was at J's place and my friend D was there and they were staring at the pics of me and bhe began to tell them story of how he was watching me dance. They both looked at the guido and said you know if you remove the dildo from between her legs and removed her clothes she would have a penis. Apparently the guido was intrigued. So D called me up who had set me up with my previous bf who was hungarian and just disappeared without saying goodbye. Damn i hate that. So on the phone he says to me i have this guy who wants to meet you. I reply look what happened with the last guy you hooked me up with. So then i ask is he cute. He says yes so i ask to speak to him. I say hi how are you he answers fine i say if you wanna meet me tonight i[ll be at the barn. He says he can't he has plans i say oh well too bad that was your chance and hang up!! At that point in life i was going through a power trip.

        So after gay pride that year where i worked my ass off in rehearsals preparing to do madonna's frozen ( insert remix here). Staying up for days on in having to host parties and entertain. Then at grand rehearsal to find out that my manager who planned whole show forgot that there would be these built in boxes on stage. At this point i had four hours of sleep in 3 days with only a handful of popcorn and a slice of pizza to eat. thus i was moody as hell and there is me going off on managaer about this problem. And Veronica who was there to perform release me and somebody to hold said i looked fine. Though me being incredibly tired and prolly having a come down moment from the drugs just said fuck it im leaving we will deal with this when i get back. And left the rehearsal to go home to cry on phone to friend. Ended up going to show and all dressed and ready to go gave my dancers a bump of coke and ketamine before stage then i realized i had to pee. Thus right when i'm about to head to the bathroom as i had to pee badly i have to be on stage. So there i was on stage in first position for show sitting on a  stage in my light blue organza skirt and bikini top havign to pee. And all i can feel is the bass on stage and i'm thinking to myself OMG i'm gonna pee myself here infront of thousands of gays who would never let me live that down!! But then the light came onto me and i began my show without peeing myself. Though when number was done and everyones trying to congradulate me i was running down the stairs to pee. And i must admit was one of those pees where all your stress just goes away. Then spent rest of night partying till i got too sketchy and ended up in cab on way home to finally sleep.

So at this point you're prolly well where is she going. Well since i didnt really get the chance to party during pride i decided to head to the Web. A club in toronto. When i walk in my hairdresser comes running up to me and says oh my god Dita guido's here? I'm like who's guido and then he explains and then brings him over. And all i can think when i meet to him is damn i'm in love. He was hot great body brunette with thick hair and brown eyes that smile but say mischeivious at same time. So we hung out i would go dance come back and talk to him. So by the end of the night i was getting tired and i said to him okay i['m gonna go home and watch a movie. He says goodbye i aid no i'm giong home to watch a movie did you wanna come? He says yes and we are on our way to my place i shared with my bff P. So when we get home iu go to put in a movie the vhs kind and i turn around and he's there naked. I was like what the fuck?  He says i thought we were gonna fuck. I said sorry i thought we were gonna watcha  movie and talk. At this point in my life i was 24 and had only one guy try to fuck me before him and it was got in and right out it hurt too much so basically i was an anal virgin. So we just eneded up doing the bj thing and cuddling all night long. This was the begging of our relationship. We went to dinner and clubbing when he wasn't working at the restaurant. We had a very good time. Though he was pressing for sex. I remember three weeks into the relationship he came over my friends were upstairs and he kept going you know dita i was the biggest plyer i could have any girl i wanted. If she didnt put out within two weeks i was out the door. So i yelled back and pointed and said theres the door be on your way. There was no way i was gonna be forces into getting fucked. Not how i imagined it would be. So he left and there i was alone. Though half an hour later he was at my place with flowers and apologizing. And i said when i'm ready we will do it. So another three weeks went by and it was after a night pf partying on xtc coke mushrooms and ketamine i was ready to get fucked. No wonder if you tink about allt he drugs i took i wasn't feeling a thing. So there we go i'm ready and he couldn't get it up!!!! But first thing the next mornign when we woke up we did it and it was amazing. From then on in i was hooked 3 times a day!!! He was wo sexy and we did it everywhere we could. So not only was he good in bed he was great in the kitchen. And taught me how to make some seafood pasta and stuff. And he began to show me the joy of good food. So after he quit waitering to become a dealer we began to party too much. Our nights were out at clubs have sex and wake up to a pizza or a burger from mr.tasty in toronto which i must say their home made banquet burger is the best you can get!!! So i began to gain weight. As the year and half of our relationship came to an end we began to fight more and more. So our fist fight  was in the street where he slapped me and i slapped him back. This went on for awhile then he hit me in the back with a broom so i punched him in the face a few times and ripped off his white gold chain his nana sent to him from italy. WE then went rolling around on the street where some guy tried to come to my rescue but Giodo went after him and i said i was fun i then kicked him in the balls. Where he yelled i should kick the faggot out of your ass. So i screamed back me faggot what the hell does that make you when i have my cock in your ass!! Lil did i know his friends were watching from the window. OOPS!!! Our final moment was after a night of partying where we went to friends bday boatcruise and he left me all day long while he had strippers hanging off him and left je alone while he partied with his ex gf. So then We went back to my place his ex in tow. And then partied all night long which was fine till we went back to his place to score more drugs and his roommate said to him remember when ic ame into the room this morning and you were in bed with the ex and i asked you to leave me that pill. Then my head started to put it toggether he didnt come see me the night before after the party cause he was sopposedly tired yet he was in bed with her. So we went back to my place partied and in the morning we broke up and he left. And left all his drugs with me so i had my friends over and partied my ass off all on Guido!!!  Later that week i did my show at five and when he walked in funny enough i was doing whitney houstons i learned from the best HQ remix. To find out he broke my heart since he was cheating on me with the ex the one i said maybe you should tell her why you left. And backfired in my face. To this day my heart has not recovered from that break up. And must admit i look at men differently. And began to eat myself to where i am today 205lbs. Thats crazy i know. But men don't look at me the way they used to. And now i dont even wanna look at myself. Guess its time to go back to the gym. To get those model features but at a healther weight than i was before. Our youth may fade but with age come wisdom and true beauty of personality as we begin to know ourselves!!!